Dear Single Women

If God isn’t enough then nothing else ever will be…..

As I sit here in bed, candle lit and worship music playing in the background I contemplate what I  can say to women who struggle with being content in their single season that they don’t already know. So let’s talk about the things that I’m sure you’ve heard before…

1. stay focused on God and trust his timing
2. become so wrapped up in God that your one day husband has to go through God to get to you
3. you have to learn to be ok with just God
4. stop comparing your lives to others and be content with where God has you
5. everything will happen when its supposed to happen

So when pondering the topic I have to ask….why is it that people want to be in relationships? Specifically, why is it that young women in particular want to be in relationships? I won’t go into all the wrong reasons for wanting to be in a relationship but I will remind you that relationships aren’t meant to be a recreational activity.

When we think about when God presented Eve to Adam (read the story more in depth) he did so because Adam needed help. God didn’t create Eve for recreation, but for purpose. The same still reigns true today. God brings two people together for purpose. God brings two people together because he sees a need that is better fulfilled by the two of them than by one. So relationships aren’t meant for just having someone to kick it with and “call your own” and cuddle with at night. Relationships are an assignment. An assignment that you’ll stand before God and give an account for one day. It’s one more thing that God can entrust you with and expect you to produce fruit from. So please understand that being in a relationship (not just any relationship but a God centered one) is a higher calling. Luke 12:48 tells us that “to whom much is given much will be required (tested).” So although when you lay in bed at night you’re fantasizing about all the wonderful feelings a relationship could give you what you are negating is the fact that relationships are hard work. Think about it. Anything that comes from God Satan is going to be actively working against.

So how prepared are you to fight?

Have you read your Bible enough to know God’s mind towards Satan’s attacks? Do you read enough to know the scriptures you’ll need to get you through the times when the relationship is nothing like you thought it would be? Have you become so deep rooted in God as to be bold enough to walk away from any aspect of the relationship that no longer pleases God? Do you have such a relationship with God that he knows that even in your relationship he is your first and true love? Do you have such a relationship with God that even in a relationship you’ll be sure that he doesn’t feel neglected but still feels even more loved by you as a result? If the answer to any of these questions is no…. then you don’t need to be in a relationship with a man. What you need is to be pursing a relationship with God, the man who holds the power of life and death.

1 Corinthians 7:8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows–it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am.

In the above scripture Paul says very clearly that if you’re unmarried its better to stay that way. Ask any married woman why Paul would say such a thing and I’m sure she could give you about 50 reasons easily. In essence what Paul knew was this…we have an awesome gift in the relationship we are afforded with God. Through Jesus Christ we now have direct access to God and can go before him at any time with any request and be treated no longer like a servant but like a child of the King. As a single woman this is your focus. Spending time with God is what your life should revolve around. You get to do as much as you want to with God without the obligations of being a wife. You get to stay up late. Have dinner dates with God as you please. Not be tied to the demands of family life and focus solely on your purpose and advancing the kingdom of God. Paul saw the wonderful gift in this. Paul thought it amazing that he had the gift of singleness in which he could devote his entire life to God and God alone. That is simply amazing.

So why don’t we see singleness as a gift from God?

Well to us the only really happy women in the world are those with a man that they can talk to about their problems, have an awesome friendship with, and do romantic things with that are just so cute and adorable. Although we think this the truth of the matter is that there are some miserable married women out there just like there are some miserable single women. There are also some very happy single women out there just like there are some very happy married women. Each phase of your life is only what you make it. Allow me to bring to your attention that as a single woman whatever issues of the heart and insecurities you have now will only spillover into the relationship if you don’t spend time allowing God to correct those things. NOTHING CHANGES. TRUST ME I KNOW! A relationship isn’t the cure ( I blogged about this here A Relationship Isn’t the Cure)! So spend your time focusing on allowing God to help mold you into the woman he needs you to be .

I know you may be thinking that its real easy for someone whose in a relationship to feel this way. If I can be completely honest one of the initial conversations that Jonathan and I bonded over was about how tired we were of hearing people talk about wanting to be in relationships. Our minds were so far away from looking to be in a relationship that we were actually bonded over the fact that we DIDN’T care to be in a relationship at the time. You see God was enough. We were both so set on pursuing God for everything that he had for us that we weren’t even entertaining the idea. Of course we both desired to be in relationships some day but neither of us thought that day would come when it did.

So all of those things that I mentioned earlier that I know you’ve heard before and are tired of hearing….are true. God truly does have to be enough for you. Let’s think about this. God continues to bless us despite our sin. God, creator of the entire universe, chooses to seek a relationship with us and reconcile us to him so that we won’t suffer eternal damnation. He sent the most precious gift he had, allowed him to be separated from him, and permitted him to be treated like scum of the Earth so that you and I would have the opportunity to have our sins washed away for good so that we can spend eternity with him. Yet despite God’s desperate attempts to prove his love for us we seek love from a mere human instead. My heart breaks as I write this.

GOD LOVES YOU!!!!! God loves you more than any other person on this Earth ever could. And until you realize that a relationship is a higher calling by God you’re not ready for one. Because what you would do is abuse what God has given you because you don’t understand its purpose.

My challenge to you is to seek God out in a way that you truly do come to believe in your heart that if God never allowed a man into your life that life can still be just as fulfilling. I challenge you to fall in love with God in such a way that he has to convince you that you want a relationship. Sounds crazy right? But that is the place that we need to be in. We need to be so satisfied in God alone that only God himself can convince you that you anything else is worth it.

I pray for women who stand in these shoes everyday. I pray earnestly for you because I know what its like to find real love. I’ve experienced a love that never fails, that continues to push me forward and that never gives up on me. I didn’t find that through Jonathan. I found that through God first. I so desperately want the same for all of you.

Yours in love,

Shell

Please check out Jonathan’s blog on this topic. Ladies I think you’ll find it interesting to hear a man’s point of view. If you have a man…make sure he reads it.;)

—> Love Is Worth the Wait (For the Single Man)

Don’t forget: Please visit my questions/comments and prayer requests page. I want to hear from you concerning future topics! 🙂